Confession 1- Vallaarai Keerai

This is my first post after I felt, am getting matured enough to understand myself gradually. I am not a pro-writer( and not even a writer). I just know how to make big big confusing paragraphs with a single known word for all my unknown questions, like I did in my university exams. I never wish that answers gave me university ranks, Still I got it, But jeleaous enough to get rid of others who got higher ranks than me without shame. And now my jealousy extends enough to next level, by thinking, why that opposite table guy is getting hot chapathi's and am getting the older ones for my prior order. That's my real cheapy attitude, Which I am able to understand in me, but not able to get out of that shit, even I acknowledge that is a shit. When I was below 11 years old,I want to be pilot, and then to be super hero till 13 years and then to be teacher till 15 and atlast decided to be a software engineer after seeing that movie Sivaji😂. The poor thing is, unfortunately, I become a software engineer. I still don't know what are the actual job descriptions for that role. I joined in a company(this is my second), there that company's management itself changed twice in six years, But I still remains there as a best slave with comparatively low salary compared to my other friends. Coz of that, my already extended jeleaousy gets overloaded now. sometimes, I felt myself superior to think, why some non working, simply sitting very decent guys are getting more paid and the slaves like me, who working with more efforts not paid property . Sometimes, I felt inferior to think like, that is because of the karma which is equilising the Good things(university rank🤣) I got before, without any extra efforts and now am getting less for all my more serious efforts and not even recognised at all(this is real man, its killing me😑). Most of the times, I would be swinging inbetween these inferior and superior thoughts and realised both are craps and just started accepting whatever it is in my life as it is, by accepting, whatever happening is already written and whatever going to happen is already written, why I have to suffer for that. This complete blog is going to be a self confession. Because I forgot some of the name of my friends in my school group photos, College group photos and the previous company I escaped from, and the poor fact is because of Corona, I forgot few of my current colleagues names also, Better I remember my Project people's name as they are still in my contacts and speaking with me. I hope this confession will be able to recollect all my memories or atleast capable of not missing my recent memories..

Bye..C u soon in next..

With Love,

T Square.